More than once, after I have given a client a genuine compliment, she has said in response something like, “Awww, you must say that to all your clients…”

This makes me sad, because I only ever give compliments when I truly mean them—and I want those compliments to be received with joy.

That said, I can understand the question of whether compliments I may give you in our time together are genuine. I get paid to make you feel good. Wouldn’t part of that involve giving you all kinds of compliments (whether I meant them or not) to puff you up?

That’s just not how I operate. I am to be as genuine as possible with you. Part of that aim, for me, means never giving insincere compliments. If I don’t believe something to be true, I stay silent on it, rather than butter you up with generic, fake compliments.

In fact, I believe in this principle so much, I put my money where my mouth is. My policy of “tips are not expected” is directly related to this issue.

If expectations of tipping were part of our sessions, I know that you would wonder if any compliment I gave you, or any passion or enthusiasm I displayed towards you, was just a way of fishing for tips.

Our sessions are based on trust and intimacy. It’s important to me that you trust the genuineness of our interactions, and don’t suspect I’m just trying to “milk” you for money, which I’m not. I charge a rate I’m happy with, and never angle for more. If I’m doing or saying something in the session, that’s because it’s authentic to me and the moment.

I could probably earn a solid chunk more money in the short term if tipping were a part of our sessions, but I think the quality of our sessions would degrade, for the reasons above. And I don’t want that.

(Note: I understand that many sex workers, particularly female sex workers, find receiving tips to be an important part of their income. In no way do I mean to judge anyone else’s income model. I’m just talking about what works for me and my practice.)

Many (though not all) clients come to me with self-doubt about their own sexual attractiveness. Given our society’s judgments about women and aging, it can be easy to question yourself in that department—particularly if you haven’t had sex (or satisfying sex) for years if not decades.

No matter your physical appearance—whether you currently find yourself “hot” or not—during our sessions, I aim to find, see, and “bring out” the parts of you that truly are hot to me, beyond appearances. It’s our little treasure hunt!

This could be a newly unleashed erotic energy you inhabit, a deep-seated erotic archetype or persona that was hidden in you, just beneath the surface (the “sex goddess within”!) or just a way of “doin’ that thang” in bed that is insanely hot to me!

When I give you a compliment, whether it’s something simple like the way you dress or something about your body or energy, or something deep like a new erotic energy, persona, or archetype you are embodying, or when you find a new way to drive me wild in bed… you can rest assured that that compliment is genuine and coming from the heart.

Is My Erotic Turn-On With You “Genuine”?

Many clients have questions or concerns about the level of genuine erotic desire I bring to our sessions.

These concerns are understandable. My clients (being kind, caring women) are very concerned that I might somehow not fully desire to be there of my own choice, given that it is my income. Not only does this concern stem from care for me, but it is also related to their own enjoyment:

If someone is serving you food at a restaurant, you may be less concerned if they “genuinely” want to be there, versus if someone is making out with you! The latter might not be as hot for you if you feel they’re just “phoning it in,” or worse, actually turned off and just faking the enjoyment. Because you are a kind, caring woman, even imagining a less-than-enthusiastic erotic partner is an immediate turn off for you.

These are valid concerns and serve as a rich jumping-off point to explore issues of authenticity in paid erotic companionship.

To begin answering, here are some ways I’m ALWAYS authentic with you in our sessions:

• Overall, I’m genuinely thrilled to be a M.E.O.W. I feel this is my calling in life. I LOVE helping women like you discover your erotic power. The transformations I’ve seen in my clients (as with Madelyn in her diary) are deeply moving to me. Trust me, this work is much more meaningful and fulfilling to me than my previous career for twenty years, freelance copywriting, which I hated. I went from hating my previous work for most of my adult life, to loving my work for the first time in my life, as a M.E.O.W. You hiring me makes that possible!
• I believe in the value and power of erotic companionship, expansion and education. If we are working on expanding your eros and helping you learn something about your sexuality, my gifts and talents are being well-used that day, and that makes me happy.
• I treat my work as a calling and a craft. I have worked on this craft for decades, through every type of sexual experience and exploration, and through all kinds of training (particularly in the worlds of BDSM and sexual shamanism). Not to mention tons of therapy and personal growth to get to the point where I can show up for you in sessions as a clear channel, without bringing my own psychological “stuff” into sessions.

All that said, this is my work. Even though it usually doesn’t feel like work, it is in fact a professional activity for me. Every once in a while, if I’m having an especially hectic week, getting in my car, crossing a bridge in traffic, and having an erotic experience with someone is not necessarily my #1 choice at that moment. Guess what, that’s true of ALL work, right?

Even on these rare days when it feels more like “work” for me than pure joy, you can still expect several things from me:

• I will show up present, clear-headed, and ready to create an exciting, erotic, and hot experienced focused entirely on you. You are paying top dollar for this experience, and you deserve every minute to be full and present.
• If I’m having any challenges in my personal life around the time of our session, I won’t bring them up in session, any more than your psychotherapist would bring up their challenging day in your session with them. In our sessions, we’re focused on you, not me. That’s one of the great advantages of paid companionship.
• If something a client is doing is significantly acting as a turn-off in our session or otherwise pushing a boundary of mine, I will gently assert my boundaries. Just as I focus intently on knowing and respecting your own boundaries in our sessions, you can also rest assured that everything we’re doing in our sessions is well within my boundaries.

Ironically, the one thing I’ve found that predictably tanks my genuine enthusiasm for being in a session, is when a client is hyper-fixated on whether I “authentically” want to be there or am “genuinely” turned on or attracted to them! This puts me in a double bind, as I’m being asked to be genuine and authentic, yet also asked to express verbal compliments or affirmations of desire that may not be bubbling up for me naturally in the moment. It also takes the focus off you (which is what we’re there for) and puts it on me (which is not what we’re there for).

Usually, I find something naturally attractive and erotic about you within our very first session (often many things!) And if that’s not the case for me right away, I’m good at gently and kindly helping you cultivate things that turn me on over time—and bringing out sides of you that will be hot to almost any man!

But turn-on should never feel rushed or forced for either of us. Let it come naturally, and we will feel a genuine spark, connection, and desire soon enough!

This is a rich and nuanced topic. From knowing a lot of female sex workers who see male clients, the complicated dynamics of authenticity and genuine desire often play out a lot differently for them than for me as a male provider seeing female clients. (This would be a great topic for another post.)

Because I have to… ahem… perform… it is actually important that we explore mutual turn-on in our sessions. Which is great for you, great for me, and great for the world, as you interact with life beyond our sessions! 

I’m glad I was able to share some initial thoughts with you on it here. I’m always happy to discuss these topics more in our sessions.

(Especially after you’ve had a huge, very genuine and authentic orgasm! 😉